You're Not My 'Daddy'
by Amaterasu Ai
Summary: Happy Fathers' Day! Aizen says he wants the Espada to give their 'daddy' a present! Grimmjow doesn't want to...but he HAS to... What is his plan? And why does it involve Ulquiorra's finger prints and cat nip?Humor/Family.Family cuz Espada are a family XD


You're Not My 'Daddy'

Written by G. Ai Inoue

Characters: Grimmjow Jaegerjacues and Sosuke Aizen. Other Characters are the Espada…

Rating: Uh…T? Pretty much everything I write is T though…cuz of the colorful language the Sexta knows! But I took that out in this fic… But Aizen says damn…so the rating should be T…

Summary: It's Fathers' Day. Aizen wants the Espada to give their 'father' a present. Grimmjow thinks otherwise…

AN: I thought of this while reading a Yachiru, Kenpachi Fathers' Day Fic…and rated T for a yaoi-ish moment even though I don't care much for the pairing…

~G~

"My dear Espada, do you know what Fathers' Day is?" asked Sosuke Aizen. He got a bunch of different response.

*snores* said Starrk.

"I'm too old to have a father that is alive…" said the oldie Segunda.

"A custom they have in the Living World that humans celebrate for their fathers," said his two most loyal Espada, Tia and Ulquiorra…and Szayel Aporro.

"A day for…fathers?" guessed the Quinta, looking up from his staring contest with the Sexta.

"HA! I won, ya giant spoon! Oh…uh…what he said…"

Zommari remained silent, since he was meditating right now…or just…not paying attention and completely ignoring the situation…

Aaroniero argued with himself… "I'm the man!" **"No, I'm the man!"** "I'M the man!" **"I AM the man!"** You get the picture…

And our…_lovely_ Decima, Yammy, was…eating… Wait…where did he get the blender to make a smoothie…? Oh, he keeps a spare…

Anyways…Aizen looked at all his Espada for a minute…

"Tercera, Cuarto, and Octava, you are correct! Seeing that I _am_ your father-"

"Eff no, you're NOT my effin' father!"

"Seeing that I created you, yes, I am your daddy, Grimmjow!"

"…"

"Anyways, I would _love _a father's day present from each and every one of you!_ Hint hint! COUGH COUGH!_"

All everyone did was just stared at the man that was their 'daddy'.

"Or ya can get a present fer yer favorite Uncle Gin!"

The response was various items thrown at him that the Espada happened to have on their person…

~G~

"Crap, I'm supposed to get Aizen a present! WHAT THE EFF AM I GOING TO GET HIM?"

"You sound like yer talkin' about an ex-girlfriend, Grimmjow! HAHAHAHA!" laughed Di Roy Linker (the one with a weird head and a bandage around half of it).

"Shut up," said Grimmjow as he flicked the weird head in the eye.

"I suggest you get him a card?" suggested Shawlong, the oldest Numero.

"What should I write in it?"

"I dunno, what you think about him or somethin'," said Nakeem, the…fraccion with a hollow mask that covers half his face…

"Che, that ain't a bad idea! Ilforte…" Grimmjow had a plan in his head. This surprised his fraccion a bit, seeing that our favorite Hollow Kitty is a do before think type of Arrancar.

"Yes, Grimmjow?"

"Since you're related to pink freak, I'm pretty sure you're smart. So I'll have you go and get Ulquiorra's finger prints!" said Grimmjow. He glanced at Shawlong, "…and you get..._the cat nip_."

Everyone gasped. THE CAT NIP! The thing that only Grimmjow uses when he's mad, sad, bored, or for just the heck of it!

~A~ The Espada are inside the meeting room… Aizen, Gin, and Tousen are all outside the giant double doors, waiting for the most epic time to enter.

"Happy Daddy Day, Aizen-taichou! Yer like a daddy ta me eva since I was lil'!" said Gin with a grin (since he's always grinning) as he tossed Aizen a card. Aizen smiled in his Aizen-y way.

"Thank you, Gin. You've been like a son to me also," said Aizen as he looked at the card. On the front, there was a picture (drawn my gin) of two stick figures. One had his hair and one had a smiley face and squinty eyes. The two figures were sitting in stick figure chairs with a table in between them that had tea. The two stick figures were also high fiving…

Aizen opened the card and found stick figure pictures (drawn by Gin of course) of all his Espada bordering the page. He read the giant bubble lettered words out loud.

"Happy Daddy Day, Aizen-taichou! Yer like a daddy ta me eva since I was lil'!" Aizen looked at Gin, who grinned back at him.

"Didn't you just say that…?"

"Yup! I'm glad I remembered mah lines!" he said with a wave of his hand as he stepped back.

"Happy Fathers' Day Aizen-sama…" said the blind Tousen as he handed Aizen a card, that was home made like Gin's.

It had squiggles all over it and different colors…and a very questionable blot that looked like drool…

"Wonderwiece helped me with it."

"I can't read anything on this! It's so messed up! Gin's is better! Wow I can't believe I just said that! Are you blind? Oh…wait never mind…Uh…thank you, Kaname…"

~G~ Inside the meeting room.

"!"

"Are you okay, Grimmjow…?" asked Harribel. She didn't really care of course, but even though he sits pretty much on the other side of the table, he was being loud and annoying…

"HAHA! YUP~ CAT NIP~ WOO-HOO! I'M PERFECT!" said Grimmjow through his maniac giggles…

"Who is crazy enough to give Grimmjow cat nip? Crazy youngsters…" said Barragan.

Suddenly, the giant double doors opened and light filled less than half of the room.

"Greetings, my dear Espada."

"Happy Fathers' Day, Aizen-sama," mumbled all of them (since Aizen had commanded them to do that this meeting, last meeting…)

"I do believe you all got me a gift…"

~A~ In the throne room, since they have moved in there…

"Happy Daddy Day, Aizen-sama!" said Yammy as he snapped open a Garganta. Barragan's, Harribel's, and Grimmjow's fraccion all appeared, tugging on something…

"Er…what did you…get me, Yammy?" asked Aizen.

"An elephant," replied the Decima proudly.

"UGH! PULL! POWW, APACHE, EDRAD, AND FINDOR PUSH BACK THERE!" screamed Ggio and Ilforte.

"EXACTA!" yelled Findor as the elephant popped through as the Garganta closed.

"Er…Thank you, Yammy…" said Aizen. He had them put the elephant in…Poww's room, since he was probably as big, maybe even bigger, than it…

"Happy **Fathers' Day, Aizen**-sama," said Aaroniero. They handed him two jars with a little tag attached.

Aizen looked at the tags. Grape* _AN: As a typo at first, I left off the G XD) _jelly said one and pickles said the other.

"Grape jelly and pickles…sounds…_lovely_…Thank you, Aaroniero…" said Aizen.

"Aizen-sama, I present to you…my present!" Szayel Aporro had his oh-so-many fraccion push in a GIANT AND HUMONGOUS covered something… It was shaped like a box.

"Thank you, Szayel Aporro," said Aizen as he yanked (with the help of Ulquiorra, Harribel, and Zommari since it was a HUGE golden velvety sheet)

"I give you what seems like infinite amount of pink silky smooth cloths! They are VERY comfy!" said Szayel Aporro as he bowed respectfully (with pride of course)

"Er…thank you, Szayel Aporro…I am grateful for a new color…" said Aizen, thinking '_This looks like my other white jacket that was mixed with Aaroniero's human T-shirt…Oh well…_

"But do not unfold the cloth until you get to your palace, Aizen-sama. If you do, than it will cover Las Noches by the time you get to your room," warned Szayel, which, once he said that, Gin stopped tugging at the fabric…

"I give you a card, Aizen-sama," said Zommari as he handed Aizen an orange card. It had pumpkins in it. When Aizen opened the card, something plopped out and bounced down the many stairs leading to his throne.

"AHH!" screamed Halibel as it hit her head and bounced off. Of course, she didn't mean to scream, but it looked scary. _Really_ scary. And if it's _really _scary _Harribel_ actually screamed, it must mean it's _really really __scary!_

"What is it, my daughter?" asked Aizen as he peered down to the blonde, who is also his only 'daughter'.

"I-it's…an eyeball…a human eyeball…"

"Oh…um…thank you…Zommari…uh… Ulquiorra, please bring it up to me…"

"Ew…" muttered the raven haired Cuarto, since he did not like getting his hands dirty at all. "Um…Aizen-sama, Grimmjow should bring it to you, since he is the next in line…"

"Good idea, Ulquiorra! Grimmjow- Oh… he isn't here… Nnoitra, you bring it up than!"

Faster than Zommari's sonido (since he says it IS the fastest of the Espada, and that is probably really fast) Nnoitra sonido'ed up to Aizen, plopped his gift at the evil 'daddy's' feet, and sonido'ed to his room.

"My, my, he must be afraid o' eyeballs!" said Gin with a wider grin (if that's even possible!)

"Hm…Ulquiorra, looks like you must bring up the eyeball!" said Aizen cheerfully.

Ulquiorra scowled mentally. Even if he DID find a way to pass it on to Tia, she had gloves, so she wouldn't really suffer at all…

"Hm…Nnoitra gave me a picture! How lovely! Ulquiorra, stop by Nnoitra's on your way back and tell him that I thank him for the nice picture!" said Aizen, feeling like a proud mommy…er…daddy of a little boy.

Nnoitra's picture had himself and Aizen on it. Nnoitra was a stick figure with an eye patch and one squinty eye. It had the spoon like hood and he was holding Santa Teresa. Aizen's stick figure had a sloppy version of his hair and it was holding a cup of tea.

The card read in messy hand writing **HAPPY DADDY DAY, AIZEN…-SAMA.**

Ulquiorra shuddered as he dropped the eyeball quickly onto the arm rest of the throne.

"Aizen-sama, I did not know what to get you, so I asked Inoue Orihime. She said she would only help me if the gift can be from her also, so this is from the both of us…

The Cuarto handed Aizen a very pretty and carefully crafted paper heart. On the card it said in neat hand writing: _Happy Fathers' Day, Aizen-sama_. Ulquiorra gave Aizen another heart afterwards, but it was bigger and not flat, but the kind that you can hang on from a ceiling! (XD)

"I also learned how to make one by looking it up on Gin's 'laptop'," said Ulquiorra before he handed Aizen a bouquet of pretty flowers. "And this is from Inoue Orihime."

"Ah, tell her I thank her for the flowers. Thank you for the lovely gift, Ulquiorra, you did well."

Our favorite Emospada bowed before descending down the stairs. Next, our favorite female Espada walked up!

"Aizen-sama, with the help of my fraccion, we picked as many flowers as we could. I would like you to look on top of the dome…"

~T~ On top of the dome…

Harribel beamed proudly behind her collar and mask as Aizen looked approvingly at her handiwork.

On top of the dome, in TONS AND TONS of flowers and going from the darkest shades of flowers to the whitest, read the words "_**HAPPY FATHERS' DAY, LORD AIZEN-SAMA! WE LOVE YOU!**_**"**

Tia gapped in shock (behind her collar and mask so no one saw). "A-Aizen-sama…we did not add the 'we love you' part…you see… Loly and Menoly decided to help us and-"

"I love it, Tia! It's nice to know I'm loved!" exclaimed Aizen as he gave a hug/glomp to the female Espada. To everyone, it seemed like her eyes just widened. Behind the mask and collar, her mouth was hanging open. But of course, being the female role model Espada she was (even though no one could see it) she closed her mouth before she started drooling.

"Er…thank you, Aizen-sama! I'm glad you liked it…!" said Tia, taking credit for the work. (Loly and Menoly can't really do anything about it anyways)

Tia threw Gin a small fox plushie with a pink flower woven to make a small head wreath thingy for the fox's head.

"For you and Grin, you're fox plushie. It can be Grin's daughter. Happy Fathers' Day, Ichimaru," said Harribel. Gin smiled (a half real and half fake one)

"Thank ya, Tia-chan! I knew ya were nice enough ta give me somethin'!"

~A~ Back to the throne room!

"Aizen…-sama… I present to you, a book."

"About…?"

"Me…-and my days as King of Hueco Mundo! Er…I learned many fatherly things, helping out my army!" (Not really, he mostly just spilt them up and made them fight to the DEATH IN A CILVIL PLANNED WAR!)

"Thank you, Barragan…"

"Happy Fathers' Day," muttered the oldie as he sat back down in his chair, not before putting a small comfy pillow on the seat though!

"Primera Espada…"

"H-hai, Aizen-sama! A-as you can see, Starrk is sleeping so I am here to give you your gift!" said Lilynette as she pulled out a neatly wrapped box and bad with a sloppily wrapped box in it.

"Ah, Lilynette Gingerback, wonderful to see you take up your duties as the Primera!"

"Hehe, he said duties," giggled Lilynette to herself. "Ah…this is my gift," she handed the man the neatly wrapped one. "And here is Starrk's present." She handed the other one to him.

"Thank you, Primera." Aizen opened the present. In Lilynette's, there was a hat. A pretty WHITE hat. It looked really comfy, too. It was one of those French Berets. Aizen liked this one. It was pretty, padded so his head would be comfy, and best of all, it was a glowing white! 

"I hope you like it," said Lilynette as she skipped down the stairs, learning that it's not a good idea to skip down steep stairs, since she tripped and fell on her face in front of the Espada.

"HAHAHA-We mean…are you okay, Lilynette?" they asked since Aizen glared at them. She nodded.

"Let's see what Starrk got me," said Aizen as he opened the box. Inside was a pillow that had a faint outline of where old stitches used to be. The faint lines read _Coyote Starrk's Primera Pillow_.

NOW it read _Lord of Everyone and Everything Plus More, Sosuke Aizen's Holy Pillow_.

"Tell Starrk thank you once he wakes up," said Aizen as he tucked it in his secret pocket.

Everyone was about to leave when the double doors opened. Everyone just stared blankly at the sight before them.

Sexta Espada: Grimmjow Jaegerjacues…

-drunk on cat nip…

"Er…What have you given me, my son?" asked Aizen. Grimmjow laughed psychotically. He sondio'ed beside Aizen and shoved a card into his hands. Aizen just mumbled quick thanks before opening the card.

"I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!" yelled Grimmjow as he leaped down the stairs and landed on top of Ulquiorra. He purred before curling up to sleep.

"…" said everyone.

Aizen read the card out loud: "HAPPY DADDY DAY AIZEN!" He read the inside of the plain blue card. "I HATE YOU GUTS! YER NOT MY EFFIN DADDY! YOU CAN BE GIN'S AND BLIND DOOD'S DADDY! EFF YOUUU! Bye bye now, I'm takin' a nap. I LOVE ULQUIORRA! YOU SUCK AIZEN DON'T TAKE ULQUI-CHAN AWAY FROM ME!"

"He doesn't really mean that," said Ulquiorra truthfully as he shoved the cat that was starting to purr and vibrate from the purring. "Get off of me, Trash."

Suddenly, Grimmjow shot up and glomp-tackled Aizen…_off the ridiculously high up throne!_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Aizen. He didn't have his zanpaktou with him, so he couldn't fake a fall…and he was too scared and caught off guard to use shunpo…however…

Grimmjow sonido'ed away right after he let go of the man. Damn him. Damn him even more, the fact that he pushed him INTO A WE LOVE SOSUKE AIZEN FANGIRL PIT!

"GAHHHH! EFF YOU GRIMMJOW JAEGERJACUES!" screamed Aizen. Everyone blankly stared at the blue haired Espada who just zipped out of the room. Everyone glanced at each other and shrugged, deciding to just leave.

So they did.

~U~ With Aizen AFTER the… 'lovely gift'

"Szayel Aporro, whose finger prints were on the jar?" asked the battered up and kissed too much Aizen.

"It seems Ulquiorra's finger prints are on the jar…he gave Grimmjow that cat nip…"

"…ULQUIORRA!"

~G~ In Ichimaru Gin's Room…

"Look, Grin! It's yer new daughter! 'er name is Lillian since Tia-chan gave her a lily flower hair wreath!" said Ichimaru as he set the cute little plush down next to the slightly bigger one.

He picked up a small post it note and drew and scribbled something on it. After he was done, he set it down and beamed at his work. On the card read a very colorful and neat:

_**Happy Daddy Day**_

Gin turns toward you readers.

"Go wish yer daddy's a good day/night! Or ya can make 'im a cute lil card like I did fer Aizen-taichou! Happy Fathers' Day, minna-chan! Bai bai!"

_**THE END OF MY FATHERS' DAY ONE-SHOT!**_

_I would've created a Mothers' Day one, but I didn't think of it until now…Oh well, maybe next year!_

_Please __**review**__! ~G. Ai Inoue_


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